We lost dear Harry yesterday...he passed away peacefully, as expected the family is a little shattered, but Harry is not in pain, and Irene can remember the old Harry who knew her and loved her.
So then what happens to me???
Emotional eating vs New Brenda ...well there was a fight in my head today with new me and the inner teenager and the teenager in me won...she got her way and got her chocolate... but how does she really feel now? Is she happy? Does she feel better? Was the grass greener over there with the chocolate bars??
A big fat NO!! Would be the answer, in fact its like a lot of the things in life we think we want and now I am really mad at myself.... I have fought a battle for the whole week without giving in to the emotional eating side of my brain..... Survived no alcohol for 2 Grand Finals....yes 2 Grand Finals.... only to get really upset today and turned to a block of chocolate..... and I am so mad at myself why did I not
• Go for a walk
• Phone a friend
• Get busy doing something else
• Put it on the layby plan
• Get some gum
• ANYTHING ELSE EXCEPT EAT IT!!!!!
and now I am so determined to not do this again I have worked out how much exercise to do to get rid of it and over the next 2 days that is my mission.... burn it off that will teach me.
I am trying to understand why I thought this would make me feel better... but am also thinking that its great I feel this mad and disappointed in myself...I am hoping that knowing now what the outcome was I may have really hit the point where I realise “light bulb moment” that it did not make me feel better in fact now I feel worse...sad about the loss of Harold, and mad at myself for being so weak...not being stronger.
Here’s hoping LESSON LEARNT...... the Grass is not always greener with the chocolate bars ......PS thanks for all your support
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
LIVE LIKE THERE'S NO TOMORROW, DANCE LIKE NO-ONES WATCHING....
So as you know if you’ve been reading my blog the kids Grandpa is gravely ill.
We were told to say goodbye Sunday and it’s now Thursday... so it’s confusing and really making it harder for all the children and its extremely hard for his wife.... he has been suffering with Alzheimer’s also so that’s just an added problem.
To see her there last night though telling him she’s there and asking him for a kiss while he is unconscious and there is no response absolutely broke my heart. They have been married for 65 years and whilst he has been in a nursing home for the good part of the last year, she see him every day and still chats to him about all of life’s events..... I began to think of my own life and what I would do if the people I share my news, my joys and my disappointments with was taken away.... and it really hit home even harder.
I have lived for while now with the philosophy...live for today... probably ever since I realised (due to my nephew’s illness) that life is not necessarily guaranteed to be for a long time.
I wanted to remind you all to Live every day to its fullest, Thast what he did, just look at him joining in at the kids parties..he didn't care who was watching!.....enjoy the fact that you woke up this morning....hug your kids, your parents your friends, don’t ever go to bed angry, and unless what’s upsetting you will cause a death....suck it up and move on.
Always try to find a way to make things a positive ...there is always someone worse off than you and as many of us have learnt along the way what does not kill us will make us stronger.
We were told to say goodbye Sunday and it’s now Thursday... so it’s confusing and really making it harder for all the children and its extremely hard for his wife.... he has been suffering with Alzheimer’s also so that’s just an added problem.
To see her there last night though telling him she’s there and asking him for a kiss while he is unconscious and there is no response absolutely broke my heart. They have been married for 65 years and whilst he has been in a nursing home for the good part of the last year, she see him every day and still chats to him about all of life’s events..... I began to think of my own life and what I would do if the people I share my news, my joys and my disappointments with was taken away.... and it really hit home even harder.
I have lived for while now with the philosophy...live for today... probably ever since I realised (due to my nephew’s illness) that life is not necessarily guaranteed to be for a long time.
I wanted to remind you all to Live every day to its fullest, Thast what he did, just look at him joining in at the kids parties..he didn't care who was watching!.....enjoy the fact that you woke up this morning....hug your kids, your parents your friends, don’t ever go to bed angry, and unless what’s upsetting you will cause a death....suck it up and move on.
Always try to find a way to make things a positive ...there is always someone worse off than you and as many of us have learnt along the way what does not kill us will make us stronger.
This was written by Crystal Boyd (1998) and I really thought it hit on what I was trying to express
This perspective has helped me to see that there is no way to happiness. Happiness is the way. So, treasure every moment that you have. And treasure it more because you shared it with someone special, special enough to spend your time ... and remember that time waits for no one...
So stop waiting until you finish school, until you go back to school, until you lose ten pounds, until you gain ten pounds, until you have kids, until your kids leave the house, until you start work, until you retire, until you get married, until you get divorced, until Friday night, until Sunday morning, until you get a new car or home, until your car or home is paid off, until spring, until summer, until fall, until winter, until you are off welfare, until the first or fifteenth, until your song comes on, until you've had a drink, until you've sobered up, until you die, until you are born again to decide that there is no better time than right now to be happy...
Happiness is a journey, not a destination.
Thought for the day:
Live like there’s no tomorrow,
Love like you've never been hurt,
And dance like no one's watching.
So stop waiting until you finish school, until you go back to school, until you lose ten pounds, until you gain ten pounds, until you have kids, until your kids leave the house, until you start work, until you retire, until you get married, until you get divorced, until Friday night, until Sunday morning, until you get a new car or home, until your car or home is paid off, until spring, until summer, until fall, until winter, until you are off welfare, until the first or fifteenth, until your song comes on, until you've had a drink, until you've sobered up, until you die, until you are born again to decide that there is no better time than right now to be happy...
Happiness is a journey, not a destination.
Thought for the day:
Live like there’s no tomorrow,
Love like you've never been hurt,
And dance like no one's watching.
An old Irish proverb...
By the way at Zumba the other night .,.I certainly danced like no-one was watching!!
By the way at Zumba the other night .,.I certainly danced like no-one was watching!!
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
I'm into the 80's
Well as of today I am officially into the 80's....a long time since I've been there..have to say I feel really good to have met my first goal.... it gives me the momentum to keep going.
I have worked pretty hard and am still struggling daily with food issues, but I know I am making progress and heading in the right direction.... the results motivate me to avoid those poor food choices.
I am not having problems with the exercise as I really enjoy the feeling it gives me...only problem I have is scheduling it in each day with a busy schedule....really wish I was more of a morning person!!
Hoping that everyone else can get to the point where they too feel really confident and positive about the changes they are making in their lives, I know I am and will not be going back!
I have worked pretty hard and am still struggling daily with food issues, but I know I am making progress and heading in the right direction.... the results motivate me to avoid those poor food choices.
I am not having problems with the exercise as I really enjoy the feeling it gives me...only problem I have is scheduling it in each day with a busy schedule....really wish I was more of a morning person!!
Hoping that everyone else can get to the point where they too feel really confident and positive about the changes they are making in their lives, I know I am and will not be going back!
Sunday, September 26, 2010
Really Been a Tough Day today....
Today has been a tough day... we have had some bad news, my children’s grandfather is dying and I have taken them in to basically say goodbye....really heart wrenching stuff!
We have spent a good part of the day at the hospital....... which is stressful... and what does the old me normally do when stressed...turn to food.
I need to be strong for them this is their first relative to pass away and this is the toughest thing I think I have had to do as a parent....I don’t know what to do or say other than to just be there for them, remind them of how lucky they were to have had a great Pa they could spend time growing up with and chat about some of the good memories.... but it breaks your heart for them and yourself.
I am home now and looking in the pantry.... what can I eat that’s OK...why do I want to eat...am I hungry...no, then why? Why does this happen to me? What triggers this stupid reliance on food to comfort my emotions.....? so far I have resisted, I have made myself a coffee and sat down with a magazine, and am now going to go clean out my youngest cupboards..That will occupy my mind.... let’s hope so anyways......I will be strong.... I am not going to let this make me eat stupid bad foods, I know I am stronger than this and I know that if I give in I will be so mad at myself tomorrow.....
Writing this is also therapeutic, it helps me talk about what’s getting to me and see on paper in black and white what I do and don’t want to do...why would I let this event ruin all my hard work....now is when I need to be strongest for my children, and the others affected by this, such a sad occasion... this will be a true test of how strong I have become....I will not succumb to the inner teenager begging for chocolate and chips!.
I will be strong for all of us!!!!!!
We have spent a good part of the day at the hospital....... which is stressful... and what does the old me normally do when stressed...turn to food.
I need to be strong for them this is their first relative to pass away and this is the toughest thing I think I have had to do as a parent....I don’t know what to do or say other than to just be there for them, remind them of how lucky they were to have had a great Pa they could spend time growing up with and chat about some of the good memories.... but it breaks your heart for them and yourself.
I am home now and looking in the pantry.... what can I eat that’s OK...why do I want to eat...am I hungry...no, then why? Why does this happen to me? What triggers this stupid reliance on food to comfort my emotions.....? so far I have resisted, I have made myself a coffee and sat down with a magazine, and am now going to go clean out my youngest cupboards..That will occupy my mind.... let’s hope so anyways......I will be strong.... I am not going to let this make me eat stupid bad foods, I know I am stronger than this and I know that if I give in I will be so mad at myself tomorrow.....
Writing this is also therapeutic, it helps me talk about what’s getting to me and see on paper in black and white what I do and don’t want to do...why would I let this event ruin all my hard work....now is when I need to be strongest for my children, and the others affected by this, such a sad occasion... this will be a true test of how strong I have become....I will not succumb to the inner teenager begging for chocolate and chips!.
I will be strong for all of us!!!!!!
Thursday, September 23, 2010
Tears for Fears.......
Well on one hand “tears for fears” were an 80’s band and on the other hand “tears for fears”was was how I ended up after a simple trip to a photographers....so I thought the link as I head into and through the 80’s was apt.... OK so I’ll get better as we go along.
Anyway my journey had a bit of a hiccup yesterday...not as some may be thinking with food, exercise or commitment but with my emotions.
I thought as I was feeling kind of good about my changes and would like to capture this feeling, it may be nice to have some photo’s done (maybe even something special for hubby for Christmas). I know a lot of you are having these done and I thought why not me too...I loved having hair and makeup done for the celebration parties.
I do not have a lot of photos of me really...and when I look back at the family holidays its almost like I was not there. I know why too, cause to actually see myself in print was literally too distressing. It made me focus on what I did not like about the way I looked and felt. If I was in a photo I used to ask to only be shot from the top half..Trying to avoid the gianormous breasts, and the stomach which was almost in line with those breasts!
SO I’ve looked at the shots they do and the young girl is asking what sort of photo’s I might like to take and I know kind of what I would like, I am staring out the window... trying to gather the words, I start to say that I would like to look pretty, and sexy and not show my cellulite, and rolls and then I find myself explaining to this poor girl how I have been fat and ugly for so long that I am not sure I should do this... and then the “tears for fears” start, and I am trying to pull it all together and I realise I have not really been honest with myself about how much this weight and “body image self loathing” really had a hold on me. I realised I still have a quite a way to go so..what did I do
I have agreed I will go ahead with the photo’s but have pushed the date out a little, like some miracle is going to suddenly make me “gorgeous and photogenic”.
For me this will be a challenge where I will totally be out of my comfort zone ... but just like bootcamp there will be no “tears for fears”(I am hoping) and the outcome just like bootcamp will be an exhilarating feeling.
This was really another great ”lightbulb” moment where I realise I still have a way to go... but I also know I will make it as I have the support of a great team!
BTW....exercise and food going great!! Doing my Fitness test today
Anyway my journey had a bit of a hiccup yesterday...not as some may be thinking with food, exercise or commitment but with my emotions.
I thought as I was feeling kind of good about my changes and would like to capture this feeling, it may be nice to have some photo’s done (maybe even something special for hubby for Christmas). I know a lot of you are having these done and I thought why not me too...I loved having hair and makeup done for the celebration parties.
I do not have a lot of photos of me really...and when I look back at the family holidays its almost like I was not there. I know why too, cause to actually see myself in print was literally too distressing. It made me focus on what I did not like about the way I looked and felt. If I was in a photo I used to ask to only be shot from the top half..Trying to avoid the gianormous breasts, and the stomach which was almost in line with those breasts!
SO I’ve looked at the shots they do and the young girl is asking what sort of photo’s I might like to take and I know kind of what I would like, I am staring out the window... trying to gather the words, I start to say that I would like to look pretty, and sexy and not show my cellulite, and rolls and then I find myself explaining to this poor girl how I have been fat and ugly for so long that I am not sure I should do this... and then the “tears for fears” start, and I am trying to pull it all together and I realise I have not really been honest with myself about how much this weight and “body image self loathing” really had a hold on me. I realised I still have a quite a way to go so..what did I do
I have agreed I will go ahead with the photo’s but have pushed the date out a little, like some miracle is going to suddenly make me “gorgeous and photogenic”.
For me this will be a challenge where I will totally be out of my comfort zone ... but just like bootcamp there will be no “tears for fears”(I am hoping) and the outcome just like bootcamp will be an exhilarating feeling.
This was really another great ”lightbulb” moment where I realise I still have a way to go... but I also know I will make it as I have the support of a great team!
BTW....exercise and food going great!! Doing my Fitness test today
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
DAY 3.....GREAT JOB GIRL some positive self talk
Sooo day 3...weigh in day, and I strip off...pee.... check for extra jewellery....and wait for it...step on the scales willing myself to almost tip toe in the hope that this will make me weigh less!!!
Well I have lost 1/2 a kilo in 2 days and I should be stoked with that result...I find myself thinking could I have done better, I set my expectations a little high...but I've had a chat to me...told myself that is a great result for 2 days... a healthy result that is sustainable over the journey and decided I am really proud of myself...I am out and moving and eating well, and I still feel fantastic.....
So bring on the day, bring on the challenges and roll on to the next weigh in.
Glad I had a chat to the new me, cause the old me would have said...oh well should have had the chocolate bar...maybe Ill have one now, and work it off for next week’s weigh in, and even some hot chips... but the new improved me....who like herself a little more said....GREAT JOB YOU GO GIRL!!!!
And I send that message to anyone else who did not quite get the results...keep working on it...your already on your way and as Mish says consistency is the key....the body will do its own stuff..... Me thinks Michelle is also living in my head...lol
Well I have lost 1/2 a kilo in 2 days and I should be stoked with that result...I find myself thinking could I have done better, I set my expectations a little high...but I've had a chat to me...told myself that is a great result for 2 days... a healthy result that is sustainable over the journey and decided I am really proud of myself...I am out and moving and eating well, and I still feel fantastic.....
So bring on the day, bring on the challenges and roll on to the next weigh in.
Glad I had a chat to the new me, cause the old me would have said...oh well should have had the chocolate bar...maybe Ill have one now, and work it off for next week’s weigh in, and even some hot chips... but the new improved me....who like herself a little more said....GREAT JOB YOU GO GIRL!!!!
And I send that message to anyone else who did not quite get the results...keep working on it...your already on your way and as Mish says consistency is the key....the body will do its own stuff..... Me thinks Michelle is also living in my head...lol
Day 2....going well
Well Day 2...and so far successful, since I have recommitted to Michelle the weight loss and challenges for this round, I have been really excited, by all the support I have gotten and equally enthused by the number of people who are themselves really committed, and I am hoping to support them too.
Today I ensured I was prepared for the day"foodwise"and although it took me around 20 minutes to prepare the brekky and lunch last night.....it was really worth it...preparation is another key, if you are not prepared its way too easy to go off track and snack or choose an unhealthy alternative. Eating healthy is not always easy in a food court!!
No wonder we are also booking in times to train, those with really busy lives (and I think that's most people these days) can so easily run out of time to train...when the days activities start to take over.
Having said that I have just watched Mish's live video and I'm off to train
be kind to yourselves
chat soon
Bren
Today I ensured I was prepared for the day"foodwise"and although it took me around 20 minutes to prepare the brekky and lunch last night.....it was really worth it...preparation is another key, if you are not prepared its way too easy to go off track and snack or choose an unhealthy alternative. Eating healthy is not always easy in a food court!!
No wonder we are also booking in times to train, those with really busy lives (and I think that's most people these days) can so easily run out of time to train...when the days activities start to take over.
Having said that I have just watched Mish's live video and I'm off to train
be kind to yourselves
chat soon
Bren
Monday, September 20, 2010
Back to the 70's a new outlook
Well I have changed my Blog and forum name yet again.... for those not on the 12WBT transformation I am on a journey which began over 26 weeks ago.
A journey to better health, a better mindset and a better version of me....I have discovered many things about myself and will be sharing them over the next 12 weeks.
But today just to let you know I have changed my name to "Back to the 70's"cause that's were my weight loss journey is headed.... a happier time for me and one I have not visited for a long time (decades)
Along the way I am also going to revisit the 80's which I am sure also held some joy.... and some pain...we will take an honest look at the good, the bad and the ugly!!
so until tomorrow be kind to yourselves
A journey to better health, a better mindset and a better version of me....I have discovered many things about myself and will be sharing them over the next 12 weeks.
But today just to let you know I have changed my name to "Back to the 70's"cause that's were my weight loss journey is headed.... a happier time for me and one I have not visited for a long time (decades)
Along the way I am also going to revisit the 80's which I am sure also held some joy.... and some pain...we will take an honest look at the good, the bad and the ugly!!
so until tomorrow be kind to yourselves
Sunday, June 13, 2010
COMMITTED TO BE REALLY BACK ON TRACK
Hi all,
well new commitment.... as you will note my last attempt at blogging was pathetic ... to be generous so....
as I am joining the 12WBT for round 2 , I have committed to keep a "warts and all"journal of the journey and to share some of the reasons I have discovered as to why I struggle with weight issues.... ... as I have discovered them some are even news to me! ... I think it will be hard to share some of the stories... but I also feel it will give me strength and an opportunity to leave them behind with the old me.
so I will be blogging every day or so... updates on my journey and general observations on the world we live in today.... sharing stories of people who inspire me..... people I admire....hope you will join me along the way...
Bren
well new commitment.... as you will note my last attempt at blogging was pathetic ... to be generous so....
as I am joining the 12WBT for round 2 , I have committed to keep a "warts and all"journal of the journey and to share some of the reasons I have discovered as to why I struggle with weight issues.... ... as I have discovered them some are even news to me! ... I think it will be hard to share some of the stories... but I also feel it will give me strength and an opportunity to leave them behind with the old me.
so I will be blogging every day or so... updates on my journey and general observations on the world we live in today.... sharing stories of people who inspire me..... people I admire....hope you will join me along the way...
Bren
Sunday, March 28, 2010
Back On line... and on track
Well, its now the start of WEEK 5 and I am truly excited... in fact I don't think I have ever been more excited about excercise and what the week may have in store.
Must admit that for the first time in the past four weeks I have been kind of looking for a sweet treat.... thought good and hard about what I would like and decided grapes ould do the trick.... for those who know me as miss family block a night .... (yes you read it right per night) this is a huge step forward.
But having lost 8 kilos, and over 20 cms all up I am not going backwards.
I will be posting some photo's soon and will also share some of my other news and observations from about the town of Melbourne
Must admit that for the first time in the past four weeks I have been kind of looking for a sweet treat.... thought good and hard about what I would like and decided grapes ould do the trick.... for those who know me as miss family block a night .... (yes you read it right per night) this is a huge step forward.
But having lost 8 kilos, and over 20 cms all up I am not going backwards.
I will be posting some photo's soon and will also share some of my other news and observations from about the town of Melbourne
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
Well it is Day 2... I have kept up the excercise program and stuck to the nutrition plan....... and it has not been easy YET!!
I am really hungry... so hungry I can't stop thinking about food... but I know this will get better... and I already feel so proud of myself for completing 2 full days and looking forward to day 3... where I will weigh myself for the 2nd time (but officially 1st weigh in).... wish me luck!!
Chat soon
I am really hungry... so hungry I can't stop thinking about food... but I know this will get better... and I already feel so proud of myself for completing 2 full days and looking forward to day 3... where I will weigh myself for the 2nd time (but officially 1st weigh in).... wish me luck!!
Chat soon
Saturday, February 27, 2010
From Caterpillar to Butterfly
I have today done something I never though I would do.... Publish some photo's of myself, in my underwear only.
Tonight I commence a new journey in my life, on the eay to a healthier me. I am joining over 1000 other people in a journey to eat healthier and loose weight by increasing the amount of excercise I do.
My analogy is tht I will be moving from the big fat Hungry Hungry caterpillar my kids used to read about to a beautiful butterfly... I am hoping for quite a transformation.
Wish me luck.
Tonight I commence a new journey in my life, on the eay to a healthier me. I am joining over 1000 other people in a journey to eat healthier and loose weight by increasing the amount of excercise I do.
My analogy is tht I will be moving from the big fat Hungry Hungry caterpillar my kids used to read about to a beautiful butterfly... I am hoping for quite a transformation.
Wish me luck.
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